Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Buy My Book @ Amazon

Yoyoyoyoyo, just added one of my novels for your reading pleasure here: Behind Bars By Me  Pony up and drop 99cents on this sucker and pop it into your reader so I can become a paid writer.  Seriously, you will laugh your ass off.  It is a fictionalized version of my decade as a bartender.  There is some good shit in there.  I know.  I lived it . . . well, a fictionalized version anyway.  Wink.  Wink.  So help a brother out.  I know you have wasted a buck on worse shit that this.  Fuck, I have.  Peace.  And buy my eBook.


Sunday, February 26, 2012

Even the Best Laid Schemes ....

..... Sometimes leave one feeling like a ...... a lovely flower.  I got in nowhere near the miles I had hoped to.  But, and there is always a but, life got in the way of riding.  Shhhhh ..... it happens sometimes.  Oh well.  As you were.  Get off the babysitter.  Should that door be closed?  Are you sure they can't hear?  Have you ever done it in the front of a Mazda B2200?   Right outside her parents bedroom window?  And honked the horn with your cock......swain?  Infuckingdeed.  And the miso mess that followed and stained the carpet on the passenger side, that very same loin-age leakage that smelled musty and dank every time it rained.  Yup.  Stream of consciousness to rival the stream of miso-age,um, ness, loin-age like leakage that one left behind.  Weirdness abound.  Paradise found.  Big ole booty, round.  And I will leave you this weekend to ponder the age old questions: what the fuck is every woman who has a belly button ring thinking?  Ewww fucking eww.

Friday, February 24, 2012

From Fat to Fit in __ Days Flat

Would you take a look at her.  So purdy.  Ready to roll, embark on the journey from fat to fit ..... starting tomorrow.  Today I chill, ice my sore broke feet, watch some bad movies, read some good book, and generally over eat in an effort to make me want to ride harder and shed the ugly 15 lbs. I have put on.  Honestly, I give myself about 4 weeks to get back down to fighting weight and that effort begins manana.  The Sponsor just gave me the go-ahead to ride as long as I want tomorrow.  And Sunday the Marin Velo Club morning ride is on.  What does that mean?  About 140 miles this weekend.  Word.  How you like the new bar tape.  Dope, right.  Infuckingdeed.  In addition, I am looking at making some other rather large life changes.  That will remain under my hat until it happens, but that shit on the stove, on high, like a motherfucking race car in the red.  Alas, I just got back from the grocery store and have fully stocked the pantry with the dietary necessities that will be forcible, um, forced down my gullet.  With that, have a great weekend.  Ride plenty.  Mate but don't spawn unless you want to.  Off to ice!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Slicker 'n Snot on a Glass Door Knob

First rains are a bitch, made me ride a little like a bitch as well.  After a grand Marin Velo Club group ride Sunday I ventured out into the mist smelling somewhat like a gorilla and rode in the rain.  The pavement was horribly slippery and caused me to ride like a total bitch (not meaning female - I love ladies).  I still managed to crack off about 40 miles and tried to retain some of my manhood, though after I let a car pass down LVR I decided that that was a lost leader.  I suck ..... and I know it.  But, and there is always a but, my achy dogs are a lot less achy and that, my fine feathered friends, is a good thing.  Oh, and today is fat Tuesday ..... so show me your tits ...... if you are a lady and I will surely throw you some beads.


Saturday, February 18, 2012

How Not To Corner

That dude back there .... he is doing it wrong.  And have you clowns seen the weather forecast for next week?  I saw mid to high 70's for Wednesday and through next weekend.  Stoked.  Today I have a sick little so my plans look a little like this: wind trainer early for 50 minutes while watching the show Chuck with that hottie Yvonne Strahovski.  Then me and the sick little will melt crayons and color or make crystals ... not sure which yet ... while the Sponsor takes the boys paint balling.  I would like to go paint balling but that would involve running and my feet would most certainly blow up.  Then later in the afternoon I will ride over to west Marin for a bit of a double day.  Time to start in earnest as it looks like, barring any missteps, I should be able to race 'cross this year.  Woot!  Tomorrow I have an 8:30AM date with this new club I am riding with http://www.marinveloclub.com/ - a bunch of really nice dudes and gals.  Monday, though, now that should be special.  I am thinking it may be time for a little climb and that translates into The Marshall Wall.  Word.  Captain Agro?  You there?  Well, with that I am off to feed dumb yellow dog.  Oh, and I wrote this entire post while dropping a deuce.


Monday, February 13, 2012

Views From the Trainer

Yeah, I know; blurry.  But that's how it looks from the trainer.  And it's a damn fine thing that I really don't watch much network TV.  I usually like movies, sports or most of the time I am watching whatever the kids want to watch.  Why is it good I don't watch too much TV?  Good question.  Because that leaves a ton of crap for me to kill those dull training mile-lessness and hours of taint numbing sweetness.  I mean there is seriously a plethora of potential shows for me to stare at in an effort to not think about the clock that tics and tocks like a metronome reminding me that I am sitting in my garage on a stationary bicycle pretending like I can still ride a bike or something.  Yup!  And i got out with a good bunch of dudes on Sunday, a new Marin road crew that I intend on riding with more.  Good ride, y'all.  Thanks for letting me tag along.  Anyway, the feet are really getting better and I have given myself to the end of February for healing/spin time and then, if things are looking up, it is time to start ramping things up a bit.  Who knows, I may even step way out and try riding out of the saddle . . . even.  Well, with that I will leave you with one last view from the trainer:


Saturday, February 11, 2012

I'm A Racecar...In The Red

Man o man.  Getting ready to ramp shit up despite the pain.  I have been taking care of my shit and it is getting better - sort of.  We shall see.  Saw the bad ass sled above the other day.  It was parked among a dozen of so Ferraris and whatnot and this is the beast I would own.  Period.  I am about to head out west right now.  Then I have about a thousand errands to run but so goes life.  

See that left big toe.  The swelling is down about 50% and it's still swollen and hurts like a hot poker up the ass.  Shit.


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

70 Degrees & Sunny Over Here

(Photo Credit - Me Suckers)
It was so lovely today that despite coming down with some kind of croup I braved the 70 degree weather and got a little ride on today.  Tomorrow I shant be so lucky and will reside on the trainer but Friday it's game on again.  And this Sunday past I actually put forth what little effort one can in my physical condition and felt relatively good, all things being relative and all.  But I must proceed here with the utmost of caution, as I fear that it is far too soon to go at "big" effort for fear of blowing out my stinky ass toes again.  That's fine.  I suppose.  
(Photo Credit - Me Suckers)
This kills me every time I see it.   They live across the street from Rancho Nic, a venue where they play live music regularly - sometimes outside which would be in the above lovely folks front yard.  Seems someone did not do their homework before purchasing the home.  That sign smells a lot like "transference" to me.  Someone needs to see the shrink and work that stuff out.  Shit, I can help if they like.  Must hop.  Be back soon.


Saturday, February 4, 2012

Yvonne Strahovski and the State of Affairs

(Photo Credit to the Deserving)

Okay, so I used the hottie's name in the title to run an experiment.  See, the last time I posted her I got over 1,000 hits that day.  Who knew the Globe thought this girl is that hot?  Cool!  Okay, so the state of affairs are generally fucked but I will bullet point some shit:
  • My feet are getting better - that is sweet.
  • It doesn't look like a new 'cross bike is in the works this season unless my place of employ ponies up on the bonus...and the first number they gave me was unacceptable.
  • Weight gain is completed and the excess is now beginning to come off.
  • Riding is fun again, just a touch cooler than I like.
  •  My fitness is non-existent
  • But, and there is always a but, my hair is gorgeous.
  • The family is generally well, the eldest had his 'cross bike stolen from school because he, "didn't feel like locking it".  Genius.  We got it back the next day whole.  
  • Birthday parties are almost over - one today and one next weekend and all done for 2012.
  • I will be posting more stuff here.
  • Kit still may happen but if the feet don't heal then I will not be racing and will sport old kit til it disintegrates.
  • I am not looking forward to the superbowl this year - hate both teams - Giants win!
  • I miss dirt, the mountain bike, and even riding efforts.  I suppose that is a good thing.
  • My hemroids are all better, though I have managed to bruise my left ass riding bone and it hurts on the bike.
  • Enough whining.  Word.
And this is why I miss the mountain bike: